According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the human need for sex is as important as eating, breathing and sleeping. I believe anyone that's ever busted a nut could quite agree with him, however what Maslow fails to mention are some quite important factors that go beyond the y'know... (please envisage me making a circle with my thumb and finger on one hand, and my opposite index finger going in and out of said circle), that make sex less desirable.
As a human of the female variety (or as a close friend so eloquently calls us; "vagina people"), there's almost certainly a million trillion more things to worry about when it comes to ess ee ex. I mean do men even understand how difficult it is to angle our bodies so our slightly smaller boob appears to be the same size? What about the dreaded queef?! ITS JUST TRAPPED AIR BUT IT SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE A FART AND OMG YOU CAN'T WIN CUS THERE'S A CHANCE IT WENT UNNOTICED BUT IF YOU DON'T ADDRESS IT HE MAY THINK ITS A FART. How can you tell whether it's a queef or a fart I hear you cry? Easy, girls don't fart. That's just a thing little boys do. (NB. Queefs can even occur up to 8 hours after a session. especially if you haven't moved and you know, you're just storing it all away, for later or whatever).
I shouldn't have to go on, but I will.
What about when you're caught off guard and you have T minus half hour to do something about your downstairs, because you know, he totes won't do you if your vagina looks like his dad after he's had a weekend off work (unshaven). Also let me take this opportunity to say if you go au natural then I have one word for you: STAHP. It's 2014 for fuck sake who are you Freida Kahlo? No? Right. Just so we're clear.
The expectation to look as hot AND cute as Kate Upton in that video where she dances in slow mo (you're welcome, ruddy perverts) and throw some weird ass pornstar moves into the mix that can either lead to injury or a queef, is a recipe for disaster, and also fuckin unrealistic. I also personally believe that a forceful hand on the back of the head when you've gone downtown is a breach of human rights.
I was once told by my A level English lit teacher that all women are glorified prostitutes because all men want is sex, which we give them in return for commitment, presents, cuddles, dinner etc because women are sooooo much deeper and in no way could a woman ever use a man for sex. She was a bit fucking mental though. I disagree, (although girls do have it worse) because I believe men can be completely self conscious when it comes to the dirty. You have to get then maintain a boner, while lasting for the minimum time you deem acceptable, but still actually finishing, wondering if she was being truthful when she told you that you had the largest knob out of all the guys she'd slept with. Also if you're a fairly new customer and she offers you the butthole, ask her how many guys she's slept with, double it, plus two, that's how many people that have visited her tunnel of love, and also the amount of condoms you should wear during. Just a word of advice.
All of this aside, sex is disgustingly cringe worthy, but strip it back of queefs and premature ejaculation and crymaxing, you are literally touching wee vessels, fucking get over it. Who cares if you accidentally punch them in the head, or sneeze mid dirty talk? Nobody. What you gotta remember is, for whatever reason, that person right there is with you. Not anybody else, you. That's pretty special, let go of your inhibitions, let it all hang out, laugh at the noises, cry at how beautiful or fucked up it was, smile and stop just for a second during to take it all in. But most importantly, do it for you. Not anybody else.
Also, Reddit recently posted an ask "What do you hate most about sex?" These were my fave, enjoy.
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